Disorder in the Court

I don't often like chain mails, but sometimes if they strike me as interesting I'll share them with others.  This is a chain mail I recently received:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. 

 
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that   
morning? 
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS: My name is Betty.
_________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? 
WITNESS: No, I just lie there. 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
WITNESS: I forget. 
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you   
forgot? 
___________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in   
voodoo? 
WITNESS: We both do. 
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do. 
ATTORNEY: You do? 
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his   
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS : Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
____________________________________ 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty. 
___________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
WITNESS: Are you kidd'in me? 
_________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS: Uh.... I was ______ ____! 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None. 
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? 
WITNESS: Are you kidd'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different   
attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

 WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

 WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? 
WITNESS: Guess. 
_____________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a   
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
______________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on   
dead people? 
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you   
like to rephrase that? 
_________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you   
go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 
_________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around  8:30 p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing   
an autopsy on him! 
____________________________________________ 
 
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________ 
 
And the best for last: 
 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check   
for a pulse? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS: No.  ;
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when   
you began the autopsy? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,   
nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and   
practicing law

Tags: Life, Chain Mails, Judicial System