¡Spring Break!

¡Happy Spring Break!

Hey!  Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything; I've been up to a bunch of other stuff recently.

We have satellite now, and a wireless router connecting the three computers (mom's, brother's, and mine).  Now we can do a bunch of cool stuff between them, like play Multi-Player Call of Duty.  This is kind of weird, but for some reason the polls are working again, too.  ¡Que chevere!

Unfortunately, one of our family's computer people, Pete, diagnosed my computer in specific with, in Lehman's Terms, terminal cancer.  It is set to die this August.  Partitioned hard drives are really beginning to take their toll, and I haven't exactly done a spectacular job of working with them.  So right now, it's being euthenized at his house, but we're going to reincarnate it into a much better version of itself (and the rest of my family's)!  In a week it should be home, but for now I've made base at my mom's computer.  I saved all my crucial stuff, like ASB and school work, photoes, and Tomb Raider saved files.  When it gets back, I'll just move the stuff back over.  =)

Since all the ice is melted over the wetlands, I did a lot of canoeing yesterday and the day before.  Today was kind of wet and dark outside - definitely not the best weather.  Mostly I was out getting a new computer monitor to replace my thirty-year-old one; it was my mom's first monitor, so it's kind of emotional.  (In reality I was too cheap to buy a new one, so now that my b-day's coming around-ish, I'm getting this as an "early birthday present".)

BAS people should be proud of me; I've been preparing for the morning review sessions that are scheduled in April.  I've been using some old books (Don't Know Much About History and Guide to Essential Knowledge) and a new book I bought, American Reader, along with Encarta to get more information.  That's been working out really well.

Also, please take note of the poll.  Now that I can make them again I'm wondering whether or not I should start doing "Favorite Post" polls again.  I really have no preference, so your opinions won't bother me at all about it.

(A Lot of) BL Quotes

3-26

Denny: Well, shall we pick up where we left off, my little friend?

Bethany: Forget it.

Denny: Why?

Bethany: Because one of the rules I try to follow in my social life is, "Don't date guys who slept with my mother."

3-27

Jerry: My client proceded to go hiking wither her and returned; there wa sher friend... hanging around the house.  And when I say "hanging", Alan, I mean like a pinata.

3-28

Denny: Gotta remember: Before I open my mouth, always look both ways for midgets.

Alan: That's a good policy.

3-29

Lincoln: From the first moment I saw you, do you know what I wanted to do?

Shirley: Pave my driveway?

Lincoln: I wanted to suck on your right earlobe.  I'm sure people tell you you have soft, supple lobes.

Shirley: It gets old.

Lincoln: Is mocking me really an exercise of your most sound judgement, Shirley?  After all I do have in my possession a loaded firearm.

Shirley: Let alone a ukulele.

3-30

Shirley: Lincoln - Suck... my... lobe.

SAB

Don't forget to keep reading The Red Badge of Courage and its footnotes, both of which are due to be finished the Tuesday we get back!  Also don't forget about our first morning review session, which will be the day we get back.  I have stuff prepared over Hawthorne (did you know he added the "w" to his name?) and his two stories (which are? Silently test yourself), "The Birthmark" and "Young Goodman Brown".

Tags: Life, Outdoors, Canoe, Boating, Computers, Shopping, Books, Games, BL, ASB

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Can't Wait

I've discovered this great song; it's "Motivation" by Sheryl Crow.  Here's the lyrics (Shoetopia Citizen: look at the teal stanza!):

Little white girl
In a shiny black car
Hanging out with her friends
And doing black tar
Daddy pays for the wedding
With a fist full of dollars
Cost as much
As the state of Guatemala

Oh why
Even try?

Well I got a big car
And a flat screen TV
All my loser friends
And my boyfriend's family
Bring bags of food
And watch reality freakshows
Everybody's faking it
But nobody thinks so

Oh why
Even try?

Got no grease on my hands
Got no serious plans
Whole world's waiting for me
'Cause all I gotta do is get it for free

Got no reason to bitch
Ain't no parties I've missed
Got to have it that way
'Cause baby I got…MOTIVATION

Skinny young dude
In a hundred dollar tee shirt
In King James kicks
And a brand new manicure
Hotties doing pilates
With the snotties and the pleasers
Sneaking in the back door
At Coconut Teasers

Why
Even try?

Well, I dropped out of school
When I was seventeen
'Cause I didn't have time
To study my magazines
'Cause there's a lot to learn
From the privileged few
Like how to build a brand
Wearing high heeled shoes

Oh why
Even try?

Got no grease on my hands
Got no serious plans
Whole world's waiting for me
'Cause all I gotta do is get it for free

Got no reason to bitch
Ain't no parties I've missed
Got to have it that way
'Cause baby I got…MOTIVATION

I'm gonna own this town
I'm gonna own this town
I'm gonna own this town
Yeah, it's all mine

Oh why
Even try?

Got no grease on my hands
Got no serious plans
Whole world's waiting for me
'Cause all I gotta do is get it for free

Got no reason to bitch
Ain't no parties I've missed
Got to have it that way
'Cause baby I got…MOTIVATION
Got no grease on my hands
Got no serious planswhole world's waiting for me
'Cause all I gotta do is get it for free

I can't wait for a bunch of things!

~ Spring Break

~ ASB Competition (we're are going to kick boot-é)

~ Summer Vaca

~ Philmont

I felt horrible, though, this morning.  I wouldn't have gone to school if we didn't have the review in Green or SAB.  I don't know if I'll be there tomorrow.  It seems to be worst in the mornings.

BL Quote

[discussing hot chick in case]

Alan: I can see you're aroused.  You might consider the last man to make love to her died while doing so.

[Denny looks at client]

Denny: I'll take my chances.

BAS

If you had to leave early today or weren't there at all, finish the literature guide notes on The Red Badge of Courage.  Also read Chapter 1 for Thursday's meeting.  Here are the current literature grades as of the Non-Ficiton Final (althought KL's hasn't been updated since she hasn't been able to attend any non-fiction meetings):

~ MG ... 88.35%

~ OH ... 76.38%

~ LJ ... 70.39%

~ KL ... 95.91%

~ MeM ... 97.25%

~ MaM ... 80.91%

~ AM ... 81.23

Tags: Life, Songs, Music, BL, ASB, School, Tests, Books

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Thoreau Expository

Today was very productive for me.  I went to school for first and second periods, so I could get my 12-4 WS graded for Green.  Then I went home sick.  I'm still not feeling well, but I needed to get the information for that worksheet, so my mom and I planned it out this morning for her to come pick me up then.  That way I still can get a bunch of work done that I hadn't been able to do over the weekend, because I got nothing done then when I was really sick.  Now I have my study guide for Green's test and my expository over Thoreau (I hated that we had to underline the thesis and topic sentences, it bothers me) done among other minor thingies.  Not to mention my lunch had lemon meringue pie!  Yum!  =)

Anyway, here's my essay if anyone is in a critiquing mood:

HENRY DAVID THOREAU

 

            Henry David Thoreau was in a sense the world’s first hippie.  He rejected the materialist view in favor of primitive and individualistic idealism.  He advocated passive resistance through noncompliance.  In many ways Thoreau was the quintessential, 1960s nonconformist, but in a mid-1800s, reformist setting.  Henry David Thoreau acted as a threefold intellectual who contributed to society as a writer, philosopher, and naturalist.

            One of the ways Thoreau benefited American culture was through his writing.  He helped to develop a literary style that was specific to America and independent from the European approach.  He was one of the first along with his friend and mentor, Ralph Waldo Emerson, to incorporate Transcendentalism, a philosophy that emphasized individuality and the connection between humans and nature, into prose.  One of his most famous works, Walden, which is other times known as Life in the Woods, records his simplified life and self discovery during his sojourn at Walden Pond, and is a touchstone for modern environmentalists.  Thoreau’s influence on American literature is undoubtedly one of his greatest impacts on the United States.

            Thoreau’s philosophy also reformed society for the better.  His Transcendental thought rejected the strict, Calvinist dogma, and allowed for a broader perspective of the world.  The studies of Thoreau, especially those from his time at Walden Pond, brought people closer to nature.  His ideas were so profound that they even inspired future philosophers such as Mahatma Gandhi who adopted Thoreau’s concept of civil disobedience in particular.  The effect of Thoreau’s work on philosophy certainly left a lasting impression America.

            Thoreau’s effort as a naturalist in America reformed the country, too.  United States environmentalism is rooted in Transcendentalism, especially in Thoreau’s compositions on it.  The ability to experience the Divine or Ideal by undergoing nature was a key aspect of his philosophy, which was adopted during these years of reform.  In its most literal sense, Thoreau’s Walden records the wildlife he met during his stay at Walden.  What Thoreau accomplished as a naturalist definitely changed the country in a positive way.

            Henry David Thoreau certainly reformed American thought through his writing, philosophy, and work in nature.  His books and essays helped distinguish a new style of literature.  The philosophies of Thoreau brought humans and nature together.  As a naturalist he helped people understand the world around them.  Thoreau may not have taken hallucinogens, but no one can deny that his achievements are psychedelic.

 

BL Quote

 

[discussing a case concerning cannibals]

 

Shirley: Because this case is disgusting.  It's distasteful.  It's repugnant...

 

Alan: Everything I stand for.

 

Shirley: I'll drive.

 

Alan: Shirley, is this about getting in a room with me?

 

Shirley: Yes, Alan, I went out and recruited a cannibal just to get close to you.

 

SAB

 

The Non-Fiction Final is tomorrow!  Don't forget!!!  (or else...)  This one's only nineteen minutes for thirty-eight questions, so we should have plenty of time to get a lovely start on The Red Badge of Courage or read the notes over it from the Encarta Literature Guide.  I'm still deciding.

Tags: Life, Sick, School, Work, History, BL, ASB, Essays, Thoreau

Gar... Sick

Sorry I haven't posted in ages, I've been really sick.  You know the Pepto-Bismal commercial, "Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea.  Yay Pepto-Bismal."  Ya, well that pretty much describes my whole weekend  I barely got anything done that I wanted to.  It really stunk.  I meant to have information about the Non-Fiction Final posted so much sooner for everyone, but I wasn't able to get it done until this morning before being dragged off to Easter stuff.  I don't know if I'll be at school tomorrow.  =(

BL Quote

3-20

[before wrestling match]

Alan: Shouldn't we pee in a cup first?  I don't trust his testosterone levels.

Denny: Mine's naturally high.

3-21

[after Alan loses the wrestling match]

Shirley: Five seconds?

Alan: He cheated.  You can't squat on the head.

Shirley: Five seconds?

Alan: Four, actually.

3-22

Alan: If I should ever like to drive your car...

Denny: I toss you my keys.

Alan: If I should ever need any money...

Denny: My check is blank.

Alan: Or need to pick your brain...

Denny: My mind is blank.

Alan: Anything you have, or once did have, is there for me.

Denny: Except for Shirley.  Keep your root away from Shirley.

3-23

Alan: My friend, one of my goals in life is to go to all the places you've gone.

Denny: Just don't go to Shirley.  She's mine.

ASB

For the Non-Fiction Final Tuesday know:

~ the non-fiction vocabulary

~ content of all five non-fiction works

~ the non-fiction authors

This one's pretty straightforward.  Study your notes and reread anything you don't feel comfortable with.  It'll be worth 116 points, which is, as usual, 3/4 of you Non-Fiction Unit grade, and it'll also be 3/20 of your ending grade.

Tags: Life, Sick, BL, ASB, Tests, School

Coffee!

I'm having coffeecake tomorrow morning!  Yay!  Coffeecake and all other coffee-related things are amazing!  I even have a BL quote involving coffee!  Ha, ha... ("I'm not addicticted; I'm not!")  I tried dunking chocolate chip cookies in my coffee during lunch today, and it was awesome!  One of my cookies broke though, and fell in my cup.  =(

BL Quote

Catherine: Isn't coffee a lovely drug?  I love brain stimulants, don't you?  Uh, Catherine Piper!

Brad: Brad Chase.

Catherine: Brad Chase?  You're defending a lesbian!

Lori: Hi!  I'm Lori Colson, we haven't officially met.

Catherine: Hello, dear.  Catherine Piper.

Lori: For the future, I don't really appreciate comments about my hair.

Catherine: Oh!  I'm sorry.  I was just trying to make conversation, and I assumed you wouldn't want me to go anywhere near your eyebrows.

ASB

Tomorrow is our non-fiction review.  I have twenty questions, and a final jeopardy question made.  We'll probably have time after that, which will be spent reviewing with partner(s). 

Non-Fiction Final on Tuesday!  I'll have more information on that this weekend, however I can tell you now that it'll be worth 116 points, which is equivalent to 3-4 of your Non-Fiction Unit grade and 3/20 of your grade at the end of all the units.  It will be one of the two smallest finals, but is still very important.

Tags: Life, Food, Coffee, Lunch, School, BL, ASB

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Poor Bill

I can just see the news headline tomorrow "No One Shows For Hillary Rally".  Ha, ha... that'd be awesome.  "Bill Alone At Hillary Rally".  I considered going just for the irony and a signature to burn later, but then again, it's not worth it.

HERE IS SOME OBVIOUS, LARGE, PURPLE FOR TURTLES WHO DEMANDED I USE SOME. 

That's all.  =)

BL Quote

Judge Brown: I don't like this.  Your office gets behind, so you just let criminals walk?

Alan: It's reassuring to see that you haven't formed any conclusions about my client's guilt or innocence.

Judge Brown: You know what my mother says? "If it smells funny, I'm not eating it."

Alan: Exact opposite of my motto.

SAB

We didn't really get to any review today, but we'll be reviewing non-fiction all of Thursday.  That's the only thing on the schedule for the next meeting.  The non-fiction final will be a week from today/3-25, and we'll be all done with non-fiction!  Yay for us; we can get The Red Badge of Courage started before spring break!!!  =)

Tags: Life, Politics, Hillary, Clintons, BL, ASB, Books, School

Ow.

I had a training hike yesterday to prepare for my New Mexico backpacking trip this summer.  Too some it up simply, it stunk.  I had to sum it up in 160 characters in a text for a friend:

So sore. 12 mile hike. Worst conditions i have EVER seen, muddy, fallen trees every 10 feet, fawley very slow, vegetarian meal. unbelievably suckish.about dead.

(I recouted just to make sure, and that was 160 in case you were wondering! :] )

It's nice to know it'll all be more than worth it in July, though!  Can't wait!!!

BL Quote

3-16-08

Agent Reynolds: This woman is under arrest for evasion of federal income taxes. [Alan stares at Melissa]

Melissa: Ooopsie.

3-17-08

Shirley: You slept with him!

Denise: Did not!

Shirley: You slept with him!

Denise: Did not!

Shirley: You slept with him!

Denise: Well, maybe a little bit.

ASB

We have our presentations tomorrow!  Be prepared; it's worth 38 points!  Any time that we have left will be spent reviewing non-fiction for the test on 3-25. 

Tags: Life, Hiking, Philmont, Travel, BL, ASB

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God Bless the American Market

I love free enterprise.  Today's car ad courtesy of AOL read "Just Admit It, You Want One" and "Hummer H3 Is Big and Guzzles Gas, But It's So Fun".  I think 2008 Hummer H3s are pretty cool, but I guess not everyone agrees with my according to these comments on the ad:

~ "wake the hell up people. The editor who is responsible for the line "Hummer's they're fun" and puts it as his # 1 editors pick should be FIRED immediately and is lucky we don't do public stonings anymore. Have ya not woken up yet, ever hear of PEAK OIL or RESOURCE DEPLETION or what about GLOBAL WARMING? Those who are still narcissitc enough to buy and promote these types of purchase need to be mulched for the good of mankind."

~ "This editor is a fool. Keep ruining the planet and going to war for oil so that we can live stupidliy and excessively with narrow self interest...yeah that makes total sense..WAKE UP!!!"

~ "LET'S SEE,,,,,,,IS THERE ANY FASTER WAY I CAN BURN GAS? I KNOW I'LL BUY A TRACTOR TRAILER TO RUN THE KIDS TO SCHOOL AND GROCERY SHOP. GO HANG YOURSELF YOU SELFISH WASTERS. 20 YEARS FROM NOW WE CAN COUNT ON NEW EVEN BIGGER JUNK YARDS FILLED WITH THESE WORTHLESS RUSTING BEHEMOTHS. GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE SO SELFISH AND STUPID AND YOU'RE PROUD OF YOURSELVES!!!!! IDIOTS."

There was one guy I did like though!

~ "I have a 2007 H3 and I average 18 MPG on the highway.I traded in a 2004 Jeep Wrangler for it that got 12 MPG.Because of all the safety features,my insurance went down over 20%.I'll tell you who the stupid people are.They are dumb,small minded people like yourself,who want to let the Liberals,Arab oil states, and sore losers like Gore convince them that the sky is falling and we Amercans and our way of life is to blame. We have more oil here,offshore and Alaska to keep our price of oil down for the next thousand years.But because of liberal environmentalist like your dumb-ass we can't get to it.I bet you drive a Japanese or other foreign made tin-can and it smokes.You are blind and can only follow. So keep thinking like the loser you are,and let them keep you from ever knowing what the American dream is all about.(By the way my H3 Iis a 242HP 5 cylinder that drops to 4 cylinders on cruise control.)"

BL Quote

3-14-08

Ivan: [about her wife, Missy] God, I hate her.

Shirley: Oh, boy.

Ivan: I tried this time [refering to five previous marriages].  I want to love her.  No, I do love her.  She's just too much.  Too much singing, too much sex.  I'm not a young man anymore.  And, well, there's the fact that she's stupid.

3-15-08

Shirley: [to Ivan] What I can tell you is there is no back door.  That post-nup is as tight as your soon-to-be-sixth-ex-wife's tushy.

ASB

Presentations are on Tuesday; make sure you're ready.  If we time left, we'll review non-fiction.  And don't forget to decide Monday/Wednesday for Clink!

Tags: Life, Free Enterprise, American Dream, Cars, Hummers, BL, ASB, Marriage

Love This Joke

I heard this great joke in science today from someone who usually just tells a bunch of dumb, racist ones, but this one was actually clean and funny (unless you're blonde):

A policeman was patrolling a quiet highway at night when he neared a yellow slugbug.  The car was swerving side-to-side madly.  The policeman flipped on his lights and pulled the the crazy driver over.  The window of the bug rolled down, and inside was a breathless blonde.  "Oh my goodness, thank God you're here officer!  I'm so confused!  There are trees on this highway wherever I turn!  I was so very frightened!"  The policeman corrected, "Uh, ma'am, that's your air freshner."

BL Quote

Paul: You had sex with another woman and your wife in the three hours you were married?

Denny: It was my special day; I had taken my little, blue pill.

Shirley: There is no cure for caner, but we've got three pills for that.

BAS

Today was our last day for research in the computer lab.  Anything not done needs to be finished on your own time.  Presentations will take place on 3-18.  We'll hopefully be returning to our homeland in the Multi-Purpose Room.

Mrs. Clink wants everyone to decide whether Monday or Wednesday would work better as a make-up day should it come down to that after Spring Break.  Please consider that this weekend for her on Tuesday.  From the way my schedule looks right now we're on time, but she wants this available.

Tags: Life, Jokes, BL, ASB, Schedule, Driving, Blondes

What the Whig!

Oh, lesbian, the polls still aren't working.  It's bothersome, but that usually means they're changing my format again.  That's usually a good thing.  =)

Sorry Shoetopia Citizen, Wikiquote contains no quotes by Katie Lloyd.  =(

BL Quote

3-11-08

Denny: Thank you, Brad, for telling me that.  It couldn't have been easy..... you're fired.

Brad: What?

Denny: Name on the door.  See ya.

[Brad walks out and runs into Shirley.]

Brad: He fired me.  I'm a partner!  He fired me.

Shirley: Brad, the review committee will take care of this.  He can't just fire you without consulting the partners!

Brad: Of course he can.  He's Denny Crane.  His name's on the door.  If he wants me gone, I'm gone.

3-12-08

Denny: That may be, but still...

Shirley: So help me, if you say it's still your name on the door.  I will shoot you with one of your own guns.

SAB

Tomorrow's the last day for group work on non-fiction; be ready to present Tuesday.  Here's the non-fiction schedule if you forgot:

~ 3-13 ... computer lab, research

~ 3-18 ... non-fiction presentations, 38-point participation grade issued, review if time with the earth festival mechanism

~ 3-20 ... non-fiction review with the earth festival mecanism

~ 3-25 ... non-fiction final

Tags: Life, Whigs, Whiggishness, Whiggery, BL, Polls, ASB

What Whiggery!

Ha, ha... I have totally found my new, favorite words - whiggery, whiggishness, and whiggism, the noun forms of "Whig"!  I looked it up in my Encarta dictionary and found those!  =)

Gar, homework is turdish (not to be confused with Turkish).

Oh, by the way, great rebelling Alwaysbored.  Ha, ha... way to show Merriman!  "I'll wait until I see my grade", or so my brother says.

A lovely, whiggish flag from Turkey -

BL Quote

Alan: Your Honor, I refer to plaintiff's exhibit apple.

Eric: I beg your pardon?

Alan: Apple trash can is picked from God.

Judge Willard: Mr. Shore!

Alan: Not the years sixty when classic electrons are free.

Eric: Objection!  I think.

Judge Willard: Mr. Shore, you have a notorious history of coutroom theatrics.  If your aim is to force a mistrial, you will be disappointed.

Alan: Pillow pants join forces over embargo pylons.  You aren't mailing past honor for the liking of a room.  These questions are birthday basements.  To end the blue radish in the upside of luxury and sparking a good lizard can only make tears fall in hindsight.  Puddles do not ask for why not?  It is cheese!  Breath and wind.  It is cheese. [sits down, spent and furious, then looks up]  What?

SAB

¡¡¡Non-fiction starts tomorrow!!!

Tags: Life, Whiggery, BL, ASB, Word Salad, Turkey

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BL Quote Catch-Up

Sorry to get so behind on posting!  I realize I owe you three BL Quotes for today and the two days I didn't get post.

BL Quote

3-7-08

Denny: Are we setting a bad example?  I shoot people.

Alan: I bribe them.

Denny: We drink.

Alan: We smoke

Denny: I'm unfaithful

Alan: Not to me.

Denny: Never to you.

Alan: We're not setting examples, we're just being true to who we are.

Denny: Who are we?

Alan: Denny Crane.

Denny: Alan Shore

Alan: Leaders of men.

Denny: With bull's eyes on our asses.

3-8-08

Derek Roth: And she said I have no sense of humor.  I make jokes all the time.

John Lenox: Those aren't jokes.  They're puns, and puns aren't funny.

Derek Roth: Well, that's just your o-pun-ion.

Denise: Oh, good Lord.

3-9-08

Marlene: Denise.

Denise: Marlene.

Marlene: I fear you're getting married.

Denise: I am.

Marlene: Congratulations.  It must be a relief to have some financial security.  Does Buzz know?

Denise: Buzz?

Marlene: Buzz Lightyear.  Isn't that the nickname for the Ken Doll with benefits?

Denise: Marlene, I'm finding it extremely difficult not to assault you right now.

Marlene: Oh, I'm sorry.  Am I being to familiar?  I thought we were girlfriends.  I was hoping the relationship wouldn't change when I made partner and you didn't, but I guess it has.  Oh, well.

 Marlene "The Squid" and Denise

Tags: Life, BL, Nicknames

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"Ode to Shirley"

"Ode to Shirley Schmidt" - inspired by Shoetopia Citizen's poem about Orlando, and just to further please, it's full of lovely, feminine, internal rhymes and melifluous (also pronounced mel-i-flu-ous, also pronounced mel-if-lu-ous, also pronounced me-lif-lu-ous.......) sestets like "The Raven"!

Shirley, oh, Shirley, her eyes are pearly,

Her hair is golden, not all that olden,

She's more pretty than Vatican City,

Shirley, she's awesome, tough, clean, and fit,

She's kind, coy, and cool, will always commit,

To me it's Shirley, but to you "It's Schmidt."

 

She's adorable, not deplorable,

Persona hotter than Arizona,

But don't get her enraged, won't be assuaged,

Shirley, she's true, sincere, and legit,

She's sharp, shrewd, and smart, smooth you must admit,

To me it's Shirley, but to you "It's Schmidt."

 

Her style is ritzy, her life is glitzy,

She's more delicious than superstitious,

Shirley's proficient, more than sufficient,

Shirley, she's matured, but not just to knit

She's passionately partying a bit,

To me it's Shirley, but to you "It's Schmidt."

BL Quote

Denny: I "misplaced" a client once.

Alan: Did they ever find him?

Denny: No, I made sure to ship him off to some country with no extradition.  Practically a deserted island off the coast of South America.  He sends me Feliz Cumpleaños cards every year.

Alan: That's thoughtful.  Sounds like a paradise actually.  Living on an island.  A much simpler life.

Denny: Especially if it's an island where the natives run around the beach with their boobies hanging out.

BAS

Here are the Poetry Final grades (for everyone except KL who hasn't taken it yet) followed by their new, overall percentage.

~ GM - 78%, 88%

~ OH - 72%, 75%

~ LJ - 81%, 74%

~ KL - NA, 95%

~ MeM - 98%, 96%

~ MaM - 90%, 82%

~ AM - 74%, 79%

FYI: The final, final, final, final................................... groups for Non-Fiction are:

~ MaM and LJ ... Lincoln's "Second Inaugural Address"

~ MeM and OH ... Douglass' "My Escape From Slavery"

~ MG and AM ... Emerson's "Self-Reliance"

~ DH and KL ... Thoreau's "Nature"

~ DH and KL ... Chesnut's "A Wartime Journal"

Here's what the schedule looks like for the Non-Fiction Unit:

~ 3-11 ... Begin Non-Fiction Unit, computer lab, research

~ 3-13 ... Computer lab, research

~ 3-18 ... Presentations, participation grades (38 points) for project issued

~ 3-20 ... Non-Fiction Earth Party Review

~ 3-25 ... Non-Fiction Final (116 points)

Tags: Life, Poems, ASB, BL, SHIRLEY SCHMIDT

Day Off

I like two-hour delays so much more than cancellations.  If I'm going to have a day off, I like to know ahead of time, so I can plan what I want to do.  I just have OCD about that and vacuuming, which I did today.  When I sweep, I always make my lines straight (it really does look much nicer that way!)!

Today's been pretty slow.  I've played two games of Scrabble; I lost the first, but won the second.  I have neither homework to do, nor tests to study for.  Like I said before, my brother who for the record doesn't make straight vacuum-lines and I swept the whole house for the Merit Badge Workshop on Saturday.  I hadn't cleaned my room in three days, so I really needed it!  =)

During lunch, I watched "Ass Fat Jungle" from season two of Boston Legal, which is my least favorite episode of all the seasons, but Jon hadn't seen it yet. 

In it, a boy steals his parents' suburban at night and drives it through town, accidentally killing a man at an assisted living home.  The family reports the car stolen when the boy returns home, so there is no evidence he ever took part in the crime.  The only witness was a loveable, elderly woman with stage four Alzheimer's who is correct in believing she saw the defendant kill the man and drive away.

In order to save her client from prison time, Shirley is forced to get her hands dirty.  She visits the witness before the trial to look for any weaknesses they could exploit in court, and she discovers the aged woman had trouble remembering names.  At the trial the next day, Shirley is crossing the witness.  Between relative questions, she asks the woman repeatedly “What’s my name?” to show the jury that the woman’s memory couldn’t be trusted (even though the witness was correct in accusing the boy).  The elderly woman of course could never recall it.  The memory questions get more intense, and the witness becomes more and more distracted, eventually to tears, and is embarrassed before the whole court.  However, the trick pays off, and the defendant is found not guilty.  Shirley knows that as a lawyer, she has to play unfairly once in a while.  This doesn’t ease her conscious, though, as her own father is deeply sedated by Alzheimer’s, and her best friend is suffering from its beginning stages.

I can’t bear watching that episode, but I do once in a while just to remind myself how horrible it really is.  My worst fear is Alzheimer’s.  It’s the most terrible disease on the planet in my opinion – much worse than death I think.  =(

You probably aren't surprised to hear that the polls still aren't working.

BL Quote

Denny: Welcome, to Boston Legal.

Claire: Jeffrey, the gross man is fondling me.

Denny: It's the official firm greeting. [squeeze's Claire's butt] (how punny)  Cue the music!  [opening theme plays]

ABS

The Poetry Final is tomorrow if we meet!  This is your last chance to get any notes you might be missing!

Tags: Life, Disease, Alzheimer's, School, Holidays, ASB, BL, SHIRLEY SCHMIDT, Scrabble

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This Is So Dumb That You Have To Admire It

REMEMBER: THE ABILITY TO MAKE AND UNDERSTAND PUNS IS THE HIGHEST LEVEL OF LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT - REALLY! 

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'
 

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, ' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'

 

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family
in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal.'

 

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, there by proving
that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail, and ,with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him .. (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.

 

 

 

SUPER

CALLOUSED 

FRAGILE

MYSTIC

HEXED

BY

HALITOSIS

 

PS: THE POLLS STILL aren't working!  "LESBIAN!" (Saturday I forgot my camera, Sunday it ran out of batteries, and Monday was ugly, so I'm doing it this weekend!)

 

BL Quote

 

Alan: What would you do as mayor of Boston?

 

Denny: Oh, I don't know.  Attack Rhode Island.  Small.

 

 

They're flamingoes like my Asian and I!

 

ASB

 

Because after school activities were canceled, the Poetry Final will be this Thursday, weather permitting.  After the final, we'll be using a jeopardy machine to review short stories and poetry, instead of going to the computer lab as previously planned.  As of now, we will be in researching 3-11, 3-13, and 3-18, and the presentations will by 3-20.  Due to our shortened amount of time, you may want to preview your non-fiction.  The Non-Fiction Final is planned for 3-25.  All the dates are tentative, though, so pay attention for updates.

 

After due consideration and counsel, the groups have changed!  (GASP!)

 

~ AM and LJ ... Lincoln's "Second Inaugural Address"

 

~ MeM and MaM ... Douglass' "My Escape From Slavery"

 

~ KL and OH ... Emerson's "Self-Reliance"

 

~ DH and MG ... Thoreau's "Nature"

 

~ DH and MG ... Chesnut's "A Wartime Journal"

 

Oh, and I should mention that just because we're assigning groups to each non-fiction piece, doesn't at all mean you can't or shouldn't read them all anyway!  Just a thought!  =)

Tags: Life, Puns, Dumb Jokes, BL, ASB, Animals, Flamingoes, Mahatma Ghandi, Philosophers

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This Month In History

Smithsonian's March edition's "This Month In History" -

~ March 11, 1918 ... Army cook Albery Gitchell becames ill with the flu that soon spreads worldwide, killing more than fifty million.

~ March 19, 1918 ... Congress enacts daylight savings time.

~ March 2, 1933 ... King Kong premieres in New York City.

~ March 31, 1933 ... President Roosevelt signed the Civilian Conservation Corps into being (CCC), which hires unemployed men for public works.

~ March 4, 1938 ... Saudi Arabia strikes it tich when large quantities of accessible oil are discovered.

~ March 2, 1958 ... Twelve men led by the British explorer, Vivian Fuchs, make the first crossing of Antarctica.

BL Quote

[At an office costume party, Alan is dressed as Shirley.]

Paul: What's it like being Shirley?

Alan: The thong it a little uncomfortable

Tags: Life, Smithsonian, Magazines, BL, TV, Costume Parties, Shirley Schmidt

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Parent Survey

I took that parent survey thing with my mom yesterday for MCMS.  That was so retarded, not to mention tacky!  You had to log in, so they know exactly who says what about the school.  When we got to the short answers, we just messed around before submitting with things like "Seeley is a dirty, old man."  We didn't actually keep answers like that when we submitted, but only because my mom made me delete "Warner is an exceptional lesbian."

The polls still aren't working.  "Lesbian!" ... gar....

BL Quote

Denny: It's gonna get ugly, Shirley.

Shirley: Denny Crane ugly.

Denny: Mmhhmm...

¡Shirley Schmidt es mío!  ¡Carl Sach tiene que more!

ASB

The Poetry Final is tomorrow!  Don't forget!

Groblette and I developed this great idea for the Non-Fiction Unit.  We're going to work in pairs, with each group studying one of the authors and their account.  They'll create notes, just like we did for the short stories and poems.  Then at the end the pairs will present what they found.

The groups are:

~ MeM and LJ ... Lincoln's "Second Inaugural Address"

~ KL and MaM ... Douglass' "My Escape From Slavery"

~ AM and OH ... Emerson's "Self-Reliance"

~ DH and MG ... Thoreau's "Nature"

~ DH and MG ... Chesnut's "A Wartime Journal"

We'll be working in the computer lab 3-4 (after the final), 3-6, 3-11, and 3-13.  The tentative presentation date is 3-18.  If all goes smoothly, the final will be 3-20.

Tags: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, ...and SHIRLEY

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Intervention Time

I've talked to some of the Literature members, and something happened to some of their notes from Thursday.  They had to leave early, the note-fairy stole them, or something.  So anywho, this is my intervention.

"Shiloh: A Requiem"

~ Masculine rhyme

~ Rhyme scheme: A B C B D D E E B F G H H I J I B K B

~ The whole poem is a huge allusion to the Battle of Shiloh.

~ Three examples of situational irony:

   - The soldiers were happy when it rained.

   - The fighting took place at a church.

   - The enemy soldiers became friends in their dyring moments.

"March to Virginia"

~ Masculine rhyme

~ Rhyme scheme: A B A B A C D C D E D E F G G H H I J J I D D K L M M M N N F O F O F O

~ Fatalism

~ Anti-war

~ Four examples of allusion:

   - Bacchic

   - Fate

   - Moloch

   - Manassas

~ "Belaureled" is an example of metonymy.

~ Turbid - confused

~ Abate - end

~ Prodigal - extravagantly wasteful

~ Contemn - look down on

~ Surmise - guesswork

~ Belaureled - crowned with achievement

~ Blithe - cheerful and carefree

Tags: Life, ASB, Intervention, Notes, Civil War

Tudors

Yesterday was productive.  I had a PLC meeting for an hour and a half in the morning, and also finished the Poetry Final (see the ABS section for more details).  I went out in the woods in the afternoon, but forgot to take the camera for making my "LESBIAN!" movie that I'd planned.  (I just reread that, and it sounds horrible.  Ha, ha...)  I also started watching "The Tudors".  It was on Showtime, which I don't get - just the Farmer Five,  but now the first season is out on DVD.  I've really liked it so far; it reminds me a lot of "Rome" in the way it's presented.

BL Quote (3-1)

Denny: It's no use, Alan.  Nothing interests me anymore.

TV Reporter: Construction working Russell Blayney arrested for attempted murder for setting a booby trap in his to catch burglars.  Miguel Quinones allegedly broke into Blayney's house and received a reported fifty-thousand volts of electricity through his body, paralyzing him from the waist down, and leaving us all with the question: Russell Blayney: victim or vigiliante?

Denny: That case!  I want that case!

BL Quote (3-2)

Denny: Well, are the rumors true?  You have naked photos of Shirley?  Awww, come on!  What's the big deal?  I've had naked photos of Shirley for year.  [pulls out a stack to show Alan]

Alan: Uh, Denny?  She's asleep in all of these.

Denny: [hands him a photo] Here's the one where she woke up.  Have you ever a beautiful woman look that angry?

ABS

For the test know:

~ all literary terms that apply to poetry.  (ex Iambic pentameter, romanticism, etc)

~ the content of all the poems.  (ex Annabell Lee died because the seraphs of heaven were jealous of the love between her and the speaker.)

~ the authors of the poems.  (Poe, Holmes, Crane, Whitman, and Melville)

~ the rhyme type of each poem.  IMPORTANT:  After looking over "War is Kind" again, I realized that it's free verse and masculine rhyme.  It doesn't have a specific rhyme scheme, but what does rhyme is masculine in nature.  (Ha, ha...)  "Song of Myself", however, is just free verse, because nothing rhymes at all.  So when it comes down to it on the test, I'll take either answer for "War is Kind".  To clarify, here are the rhyme types of each poem:

   - "Annabell Lee" ... masculine

   - "The Raven" ... masculine

   - "The Chambered Nautilus" ... masculine

   - "War is Kind" ... masculine and free verse (again, on the test I'll take either)

   - "O Captain! My Captain!" ... masculine

   - "Song of Myself" ... free verse

   - "Shiloh: A Requiem" ... masculine

   - "March to Virginia" ... masculine

~ the style of each poem (romanticism, fatalism, or escapism).

~ the vocabulary from the notes.

Know those and you should be good to go!  I suggest that you reread all the poems and biographies, review the notes we wrote, and go over the quizzes we took.  If you have any questions, feel free to contact me through comments or whatever else!

Tags: Life, Television Shows, DVDs, ASB, History, England, BL, Crime, Test, School