1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'
2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'
says 'Dam!'
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says 'I've lost my electron.' The
other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies 'Yes, I'm positive.'
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, ' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked
them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said, ' I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family
in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal.'
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family
in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal.'
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, there by proving
that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy
flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back
if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, there by proving
that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail, and ,with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him .. (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail, and ,with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him .. (Oh, man, this is so bad,
it's good) ... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
SUPER
CALLOUSED
FRAGILE
MYSTIC
HEXED
BY
HALITOSIS
PS: THE POLLS STILL aren't working! "LESBIAN!" (Saturday I forgot my camera, Sunday it ran out of batteries, and Monday was ugly, so I'm doing it this weekend!)
BL Quote
Alan: What would you do as mayor of Boston?
Denny: Oh, I don't know. Attack Rhode Island. Small.
They're flamingoes like my Asian and I!
ASB
Because after school activities were canceled, the Poetry Final will be this Thursday, weather permitting. After the final, we'll be using a jeopardy machine to review short stories and poetry, instead of going to the computer lab as previously planned. As of now, we will be in researching 3-11, 3-13, and 3-18, and the presentations will by 3-20. Due to our shortened amount of time, you may want to preview your non-fiction. The Non-Fiction Final is planned for 3-25. All the dates are tentative, though, so pay attention for updates.
After due consideration and counsel, the groups have changed! (GASP!)
~ AM and LJ ... Lincoln's "Second Inaugural Address"
~ MeM and MaM ... Douglass' "My Escape From Slavery"
~ KL and OH ... Emerson's "Self-Reliance"
~ DH and MG ... Thoreau's "Nature"
~ DH and MG ... Chesnut's "A Wartime Journal"
Oh, and I should mention that just because we're assigning groups to each non-fiction piece, doesn't at all mean you can't or shouldn't read them all anyway! Just a thought! =)
2 comments:
bahahahah those puns are punny!
i've heard some before but some are new!
hahaah i love the fish one.
They are very punny! (I had to look it up, and "punny" actually is a word! Amazing!) My favorite was the one that ended, "Only YOU can prevent forest fires."
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